So I Googled suicide...

Ha- it's like something a deranged child would say at the start of a horror film, but it was to do with a poem I couldn't remember- fret not/ be disappointed.
I was pretty shocked though as to what came up for someone who was actually seeking the subject matter, it had lots of prevention if you count "you'll burn in hell" "everyone has a purpose" and "there is no purpose to life" as help. Not to mention methods and their downfalls.
The best had to be this random little suicide prevention website which was the only one which actually said, people who want to commit suicide usually just want to stop feeling pain, they're not evil or immoral. I couldn't believe that all the rest just said "you'll get through it for the better" or "you'll be damned", if anything there were a lot of atheist approaches which were more encouraging, once you die there'll be nothing left- well that's the idea isn't it?
I personally think there isn't much more to this one life, I don't know if you ring around like reincarnation, but I don't think you remember your past. I don't think people should commit suicide though, why should the bastards get you down eh? After all, the world is not a small place, it's pretty vast, and you can leave and pick up on who you want to be whenever you feel like it. People say you shouldn't run away from your problems, but ultimately people do it everyday and sometimes you have to, you're not going to see the aftermath of a suicide, you are never going to feel painless or in-conflicted, you'll never feel free of what you are feeling. I think that's why people interpret that you go to hell when they say "damned" what it actually means is that you'll always be inconclusive.
People need to stop being so opinionated on suicide though, it's not a philosophical thing, it's a painful disturbing process that is very common, getting help can be comfort enough for some people, the realisation that the problems they have are solvable or maintainable or even that they are natural.
The biggest fault in all culture and faith is damnation, no one can condemn you but yourself, it is your own actions and beliefs that do it, this doesn't mean you should go axe happy on people because we are a progressive, intelligent animal and should understand the true meaning of morality, sympathy, empathy and justice; but yet there are people out there who devise sexuality, mentality and personality as moral things. How can you moralise an instinctive pattern? There are certain aspects to people which are immoral and perhaps disturbed, but people perceive thought as the crime rather than the action. No thought is a crime, some thoughts are not right (i.e. paedophiles who believe statuary rape/ suffering of children is excusable by the thoughts they have), but if they do not act on the thoughts or do not wish to and simply want help what should we do then? Psychological illnesses need to stop being taboo, people can't condemn a whole practice and percentage of the world the right to have their problems solved as much as anybody with cancer or even a cold.
Suicides problem is not the religious (misguided) hatred and dismissal, but of the scientific prostitution of depression, the countless prostitution of patients for the pleasure of government, religious and advantageous beliefs. If scientists hadn't lobotomised, electrocuted, drugged, misdiagnosed and experimented on people in the later half of last century, people would be far from relating psychological illness as something of a violation of the soul. Treating women as hysterical for everything bar being alive and yet never once owning up to the atrocities done upon them, gay people treated the same (if not worse) as people who have committed murder, depressed patients with complete memory and functionality loss due to vile and unsafe experiments. The problem isn't in understanding that science and technology progress, but in that their were specific violations done and yet no proof that they won't be repeated again and again.
Not to be judgemental but this is mainly in america, where you don't seem to have any safety license for much of anything, where there is now a massive industry in seeing a psychologist every week, probably because people believe this will prevent them of ever having to deal with severely unpleasant emotion. Hopefully it works, but for the hopeless there is nothing but accusation and ignorance.

Used

The flying pig with her fake pity,
dressed as lamb mutton looks pretty,
but no matter the slow cook
it'll taste sour
against the truth.
Fuck you
and all your life.

The end

Is it the deed or the done
that comes to me now and then,
or in fact the never.

Its a mass murder of love and loss and unforgetting
but what did you wrong
does you no more.

but.
I always wished more
than I granted

Gone or Begun

You shape to sit symphonies
with the fifth

dimension recall procession,
waking to every eyelash
that chooses to blink.

I swept dreams
and often break necklaces,
I wept in hot hair
and over time too.

Spitting raspberry jam pips,
we grew grass sparrows
in desert springs.
The hands to hour
your colours.

The done is the dusk,
the dawn is now,
and forever is simple.
Gone or Begun.

Rant #1

I hate to be typical and rant about men, so I wont, I'll rant about certain types of people, mainly in my experience men but that's probably because I'm a woman.

Why after 5 years, explicit conversations, dating one of your best friends, giving in and giving up, more exact/ harsh conversations, other relationships, living in a different place, do you still have to come on to me every five seconds?

I mean why is it some people just ooze slime? Because it's not likely that you are just like this with me... in fact I know you're not. But you get to me because there's this thing called friendship and it seems to get in the way of me abolishing you to the corners of Facebook. Not that I could.

It seems ridiculous to me that someone would want to ware down a person into a date. What is the use in waiting around, annoying, stalking, ruining all friendship with someone? I can't even think what for really? Surely these people have no real emotion, they feed off romantic notions or maybe just attention seeking idolisation. Too many crack pot ideas that you can have your cake and eat it too, keep a cake too long and it'll go off anyway.

So my rant is this- LEAVE ME ALONE.

I mean there's nothing more horrid I could say to you, it's distressing and creepy.

Gratitude

I always find that gratitude is the hardest thing to express (without breaking down and making everyone uncomfortable). Over the past couple of days I have been trying to look back over University and assess it's role in my life, well I guess I've been doing it the whole time I've been here really. No matter the ups and lows of Uni, I think I have never been as comfortable in myself as I am now, under it all everything's the same, but my attitude towards it has altered. I have been feeling a great deal of gratitude for being where I am, and I am not even at the end of it truly, but this poem is a tribute to home. That in spite of finding my feet in other places, it has helped me realise where I already stand in life. That probably sounds a bit gushy but it is so deal with it.

Thanks/ Ever Different

Change and Everything and wind and
comes along and stick out your tongue,
she stuck that way.
But the hole you fit your thumb through
belonged
in pocket,
designs don’t mean to last.

Been shooting stars with her,
joy riding and begging for wanders into insulated walls.
She was never that different
perfectly fine in fact,
set ships on their sales,
brewing wine till they’re ready to smash
and spill,
and I always felt left on the docks,
to a home that I would disown
but a ghost and you’s lot-
I love breathlessly,
never without.

Expected for finding
greater things than
great isles.
You are my door.
Always.

A New Poem

So I thought I might be a bit controversially current and write a poem about the recent events of the world.

Bin Ladens Beard

They say there was an eagle who came and took his chair,
and soon it spilt out black blood on you and me and off the East.
The gay man’s disguise is sexualised through the long legs
of Americas barbers chatter
as they trim out the last of terrors,
and as their reasons are no more,
the blood returns
to the red
sea, looking so black
and easy.
Curls of beard scattering
ashed terrain.